Weekender

It was Desmond Morris (celebrated anthropologist) that said in his book of the same title said cities:

"Are not a concrete jungle but a human zoo!"

Nowhere is that more true than the fair city of Newcastle here in the north east of England. Don't get me wrong I actually like the city a lot but "Zoo" does seem apt at times. 

Let me take you by the hand and lead you through an itinerary for a long weekend in the city. 

To make the  most of the weekend I reckon you should throw a sickie at least for the afternoon and use the time get up to the city. If you need a recommendation for a hotel I would go for the Jury's Inn on the riverside. Mostly because it is just off the beaten track but very accessible. Not an original choice of hotel perhaps but a safe choice. There are better hotels, more sheik but also a tad too close to the action for my liking.

Take a little time to settle yourself in your new environs. when you feel ready lets take a stroll past the Baltic Mill arts centre (don't worry we will visit later!) we could watch the sun set from the millennium bridge 

Now would be a good photo opportunity. Once on the Newcastle side of the River we could enjoy a tincture in the Pitcher and Piano bar and sample the unique atmosphere of office workers sneaking a quick drink after work and the plethora of stag and hen parties from all over the country that seem to seem to use the bar as a launching pad for an assault on the city. This is the optimum time to meet these people. DO NOT TRY THIS ON A SATURDAY NIGHT!. These people will still be hard at it come Saturday afternoon and will still be on a roll from Friday night. 

Depending on the coolness of the night we would stroll along the Quayside and take in the view of the famous Tyne Bridge and the rather unique shape of the Sage music centre. If it is a chilly evening there are a plethora of bars to hide from the winter chill. My personal choice would be the Crown Posada. I would choose a decent real ale any day - Directors is usually good here. But that is personal choice. Most tastes are catered for around here.

Having partaken of a warming brew/refreshing ale (weather dependant delete as applicable) we would be in a suitable frame of mind to run the gauntlet that is the Bigg Market. It is an experience that should be carried out  in as good a humour as is possible. The sights you will witness would confuse and infuriate (in equal measure) a more sober personality. Just remind yourself as you pass through that you were young once and youthful exuberance must have an outlet. Just be comforted that if the exuberance is being exhausted here it is not being done anywhere near to where you actually live!

Above is my destination. Stowell street. It is the the Chinese quarter of Newcastle and as such is lined with Oriental restaurants of many hues. Take your pick and we will treated to a nearly authentic Chinese eating experience. Bear in mind a lot of menu's take account of the local taste. Let that not put you off, Geordies can sometimes surprise.

There should be some time for a night cap should you feel like one. Be aware that the locals like a drink or seven by this time, if a quiet nightcap is required take it back to your hotel. There is nothing quiet about Newcastle come the end of the night. If a more raucous time is the order of the day - well fill your boots. There are more pubs and clubs full of noise and singing than a person can comfortably deal with.

Don't be too late up. The morning is a good time to observe the city in a less wakeful state.

Start roaming the streets at 9 on a Saturday morning. There will just be you and those cleaning up or opening up. For a piece of authentic Newcastle visit Grainger market.

Opened in 1830 it was Europe's largest indoor market. Inside you will find traditional butchers (a rarity on any high street these days.). This will be an antidote to the slice of life you witnessed last night. This is just ordinary folk going about their business.
If you need a more mainstream experience Eldon Square is next door and provides all the usual outlets. Northumberland Street should be taken in. All of Newcastle passes through at some time and there may be street artists to help pass the time.
Turn Right at the bottom of Northumberland Street and you will come across a tall column with a statue atop of the 2nd Earl Grey (of the Tea fame). This is considered to be a kind of "speakers corner". You will find many types exhorting their right to free speech but mostly evangelical Christians. From here you can appreciate the neo classical design of what is known as Grainger town

Grey street and the Theatre Royal :-

Opposite Grey's monument is the Central arcade of Victorian splendour. You may purchase coffee at the various multinational chains if it is Elevenses Time (Pumphrey's back in Grainger market has the best coffee bar none however)

If  you return along Blackett street, admire probably the prettiest bookstore in England even if it is a Waterstone's,

Pass by the brand spanking new Central Library, or not as the want takes you. I have spent many happy rain soaked afternoon's inside such establishments. But I would advise you to hurry on, I have other plans for you.
Across John Dobson Street is the LaingIsobella and the pot of basil". There is usually something of note on offer from visiting collections. If I have timed the visit well this is actually a good place for Lunch too.

After suitable refreshment we will head out of the city. This may be expedient. If the visit takes place during  the football season there is a good chance Newcastle will be playing at home. St James Park is right next to the city centre. The local fans are genuinely harmless but there are an awful lot of them and it can get a bit crowded. So we will head back to the Greys monument and descend into the Metro station of the same name. To the locals the Metro is as much an institution as the Tube is to Londoners. So we shall not spare ourselves from a trip. As we emerge from the tunnel at Manors station we are transported into the one time industrial hinterland that gave Newcastle it's reputation. It is no more but a lot of the cranes are left as a reminder. We will alight at Wallsend. So named because it is where Hadrian's wall ended. If you have not heard of Hadrian's wall then this is the perfect introduction and I shall not spoil the surprise. We will be entering the museum where you can find out almost all you need to know about it. The real reason to come here though is the view from the tower

Quite Frankly Hadrian's wall is a weekend of it's own. But this museum should wet your appetite for more adventures. We will return to the Metro. If time permits I would take you on a circular tour on the metro. I am a bit of a sad train enthusiast but a stop off at Tynemouth would work for me. A bit of bracing sea air and a ruined castle. Just along the coast is Cullercoats. This was the site of the Artists colony mentioned earlier. Should you feel the need for some inspiration then stop off and see what Victorian artists saw.

Time is getting on and we must return to the City. If nothing else for a bit of a freshen up at the hotel for we have another evening to fill. What is you pleasure? We can be culture vultures and take in a play at the Theatre Royal. Or if music be your thing the Sage is usually able to offer something a bit more classy. The locals love a band though so most kinds of music are on offer somewhere. I push the Sage because it is the most striking building on the waterfront

But remember, We must avoid the Pitcher and Piano, remember all those stag and hen parties?

Sunday morning should be taken at leisure. There is a market on the Quayside every Sunday morning. Always  worth a browse you just never know what you might find. We should cross back over the Millennium bridge however as I wouldn't want you  miss the Baltic Mill gallery. A space for modern art on 5 floors of what was once a grain silo. This is my personal favourite. I have no understanding of modern art but have not found it a barrier. I have spent many an afternoon milling around the floors. It is just about the only place where I have been able to leave my life behind - just for an hour or two. Spend some time in the shop. You won't often come across that sort of ware in any other place.

There is just time for lunch and then it will probably time to pack up and leave for home.

This is just a starter. If you should come for a second visit I can show you a 1000 year old Cathedral, a 2000 year old wall and some of the best surfing this side of Cornwall.
.