Problems with Cougars
Avid readers of this blog (Hi Mum by the way) may remember I made a trip to Canada about a year ago. Whilst there I had a conversation which went on for some time with a close relative before we realised we were actually talking about 2 different subjects. This sort of follows on from a blog I did about Latin and how some old fairy tales I was brought up with took on a whole new light when a Latin translation for some of the main characters was applied.
http://slazengerpom.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/so-there-i-was-having-conversation-with.html
So my conversation was in fact an extension of a brief conversation I had with another close relative on the the best way to behave in the presence of an angry bear, and I am not talking the children's variety with a hat full of marmalade sandwiches and a "hard stare!". No I am talking of real life, hairy, teeth and claws variety that Canadians are oft to share company with.
There are essentially two types of bears ( and I don't mean angry or hungry). There are black bears and Grizzlies. My Canadian cousin and I had difficulty remembering best advice. You ran from one and played dead with the other. The problem is making sure you get it the right way round. Grizzly bears can run,swim and climb better than you or I so you might as well run, or is it your shafted either way with a Grizzly so play dead and confuse the Herbert. A lot could ride on this. Fortunately I had an answer as I was given a book one Christmas called "How to escape from any scenario" or something similar. It was a fairly comic tome extolling the various methods you may use to attempt a safe resolution to many of the sticky situations an overweight middle class father of two would not and definitely should not ever find himself.
It does indeed have a section on how to deal with bear attack. Here is some sage advice from out friends at Youtube
I was recounting this story to my cousin and the conversation veered off toward another menace of the woods, the mountain lion. Or at least my half of the conversation did. You see there in the Canadian vernacular the mountain lion shares a nickname with a much more dangerous animal, that of the older women who dates younger men, or Cougar.
I am not entirely sure at what exact moment our narrative diverged but I first became aware of a problem when I explained my survival books entry on repulsing a large cat of the cougar variety. The book did stress that these animals (I am talking about the cats before there is any more confusion) are the masters of stalking their prey. My cousin at this point was agog at the thought of predatory women. I had her attention but I assumed for different reasons. I continued that the first time anyone realised they were being stalked was when the cougar pounced for the kill. Usually from behind. My cousin then started choking on her beer in surprise. It was not a time for hilarity thought I but I proceeded unabashed.
The advice was that if spotted in time you should try to face down the attacker by making out you are in fact bigger than you are. Cougars don't like to attack animals bigger than themselves, preferring small or injured ones. More chortling from my cousin. One suggestion to repulse a cougar was to unzip your rain coat and spread your arms so as to create a bigger silhouette. The hoots of derision at this suggestion alerted me that all was not well and my cousin was operating under some sort of mis apprehension. It did not take me long to realise what the confusion was about.
My point is that language is all about communication and if you fail to communicate effectively the whole point of language is lost.
This is why I get irked by people who demand correct pronunciation and grammer. It is poppycock. IT is well known that as long as you get he first letter of any word right you can screw with the rest and unbelievably the message can still be intelligible.
Lte me swoh yuo an eaxpmel. For instance. So the need for proper punctuation is pointless and anal so long as the message gets across.
As my favourite comedian Al Murray observed (in character as the pub landlord) "where would we be if we had no rules - France! And where would we be if we too many - Germany!"
http://slazengerpom.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/so-there-i-was-having-conversation-with.html
So my conversation was in fact an extension of a brief conversation I had with another close relative on the the best way to behave in the presence of an angry bear, and I am not talking the children's variety with a hat full of marmalade sandwiches and a "hard stare!". No I am talking of real life, hairy, teeth and claws variety that Canadians are oft to share company with.
There are essentially two types of bears ( and I don't mean angry or hungry). There are black bears and Grizzlies. My Canadian cousin and I had difficulty remembering best advice. You ran from one and played dead with the other. The problem is making sure you get it the right way round. Grizzly bears can run,swim and climb better than you or I so you might as well run, or is it your shafted either way with a Grizzly so play dead and confuse the Herbert. A lot could ride on this. Fortunately I had an answer as I was given a book one Christmas called "How to escape from any scenario" or something similar. It was a fairly comic tome extolling the various methods you may use to attempt a safe resolution to many of the sticky situations an overweight middle class father of two would not and definitely should not ever find himself.
It does indeed have a section on how to deal with bear attack. Here is some sage advice from out friends at Youtube
I was recounting this story to my cousin and the conversation veered off toward another menace of the woods, the mountain lion. Or at least my half of the conversation did. You see there in the Canadian vernacular the mountain lion shares a nickname with a much more dangerous animal, that of the older women who dates younger men, or Cougar.
I am not entirely sure at what exact moment our narrative diverged but I first became aware of a problem when I explained my survival books entry on repulsing a large cat of the cougar variety. The book did stress that these animals (I am talking about the cats before there is any more confusion) are the masters of stalking their prey. My cousin at this point was agog at the thought of predatory women. I had her attention but I assumed for different reasons. I continued that the first time anyone realised they were being stalked was when the cougar pounced for the kill. Usually from behind. My cousin then started choking on her beer in surprise. It was not a time for hilarity thought I but I proceeded unabashed.
The advice was that if spotted in time you should try to face down the attacker by making out you are in fact bigger than you are. Cougars don't like to attack animals bigger than themselves, preferring small or injured ones. More chortling from my cousin. One suggestion to repulse a cougar was to unzip your rain coat and spread your arms so as to create a bigger silhouette. The hoots of derision at this suggestion alerted me that all was not well and my cousin was operating under some sort of mis apprehension. It did not take me long to realise what the confusion was about.
My point is that language is all about communication and if you fail to communicate effectively the whole point of language is lost.
This is why I get irked by people who demand correct pronunciation and grammer. It is poppycock. IT is well known that as long as you get he first letter of any word right you can screw with the rest and unbelievably the message can still be intelligible.
Lte me swoh yuo an eaxpmel. For instance. So the need for proper punctuation is pointless and anal so long as the message gets across.
As my favourite comedian Al Murray observed (in character as the pub landlord) "where would we be if we had no rules - France! And where would we be if we too many - Germany!"
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